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Sleeping for babies and young children is one of those big issues in the early years. We hear that “children have to learn to sleep”, that sleep is important for development, and that too little sleep is unhealthy. We ask ourselves whether a nap is really important when we would like to have a little time to ourselves in the evening. So what about sleep now? Do children have to learn this or do they just do it all by themselves? And how does sleep change over time?
There’s some good news. Babies don’t have to learn how to sleep. They sleep on their own right from the start. However, the news that many adults will perceive as bad is that they sleep differently than we do. And that’s what gets us into a dilemma sometimes. After birth, the baby initially has no regular sleep-wake cycle: sleeping and waking alternate. As with us adults, sleep is also just as important for the little ones, including for the brain and the learning processes. Therefore, they also have a different sleep rhythm and a different distribution of the sleep phases. While still in the uterus, the sleep of the unborn baby consists of almost 100% REM sleep phases, in newborn children it consists of about 70%. This sleep phase, in which the eyes move quickly under the lids (REM is short for Rapid Eye Movement), is used by the brain to sort and process impressions as well as we have learned, especially solidify emotional experiences.
Don’t put me down yet!
From the waking state, the baby first goes into REM sleep and then into deep sleep: many parents know that even though the baby seems to have just fallen asleep, they cannot be put down immediately. They wake up immediately when we put them down, or when they hear a floorboard creaking or the situation changes in some other way that the baby notices. And even if we adults often find this impractical for ourselves, this sleeping behavior makes sense for the baby. During this first sleep phase, they are still active enough to check whether the basic conditions for sleep are ideal, or whether they need to be looked after again beforehand or need other attention like a new diaper or different clothes.
Midnight is party time!
After about 20 minutes of REM sleep, the baby then goes into deep sleep- they can now be laid down. After a sleep cycle of about 50 minutes, the baby wakes up more or less briefly, often to eat. In addition, they are now checking again whether the framework conditions are still good. For example, if they feel defenseless, they will wake up and cry to get the attention of you, the parent. Babies also wake up or become restless when they need to take care of business, namely taking a dump. Magically, they will go back to sleep once that has been taken care of.
Older children and even us adults wake up at night – however, we can go back to sleep on our own and (usually) do not have to be put back to sleep by another person because we have gained enough experience over the course of our lives and know that we are safe in our bed in a dark room. Sleep cycles also lengthen over the course of life: in an adult, they last 90 to 120 minutes – so in later years we wake up less often each night.
Babies don’t sleep through the night – or do they?
It’s completely normal for babies not to sleep through the night in the way we think of sleeping through the night. Total sleep time in babies varies widely: newborns sleep between 11 and 20 hours a day, 6-month-old babies between 9 and 17 hours. And even after babyhood, the need for sleep varies and some children need a longer nap and others stop earlier. “Sleep through” usually refers to a time window of 5 hours. In the first year, many babies still wake up three or more times during the night . And even after their first birthday, children do not sleep through the night in the way we would often like to.
Dealing with baby sleep
The fact that babies sleep the way they sleep is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, it still collides with our adult sleeping habits – and our expectations in western society. Some cultures around the world do not expect children to sleep completely through the night until age 3, 4, or even 5. In addition, even with the progressing development, there are always regressions in which the baby goes through new development and seems like they have gone backwards when it comes to sleeping. These come up again if they get sick or start teething.
It is therefore important to accept the baby’s sleep as it is. Babies need sensitive support and not just sleep training. However, it is important that we adults also pay attention to our sleep needs. It is better if parents can take turns so that both get enough sleep. The so-called “nurse sleep” is also practical for a good night’s sleep: if mother and baby sleep in close proximity (e.g. the baby in the family bed or extra bed), the sleep phases of mother and child move closer together, which means that the adult caregiver is not torn from the deep sleep by the waking baby, but often just before the baby wakes up. They can quickly respond to needs and then quickly help the baby back to sleep. Counter-intuitively, sleep can be more restful with co-sleeping than with separation.
How are you doing with your baby’s sleep?
Aw, this was a really good post. Taking the time and actual effort to make a great article… but what can I say… I put things off a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.