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At some point those kids will actually move out: out of our apartments or houses and, thankfully much earlier out of our beds. Many children stay in their parents’ beds for quite a while – well into school age – when they wake up at night, have had a bad dream or “simply” need some closeness. These nocturnal wanderings are attracted to the parent’s bed like a magnet. Whether you realize it or not, your bed is a lighthouse at night that provides orientation in the frightening darkness.
So how long it is normal for children to stay in their parents’ bed and whether it is normal at all. Let me ask you something first- How normal is it that you like to sleep next to someone?
When we sleep we are vulnerable and hardly notice anything about our surroundings. It is quite natural that in this state we prefer to lie protected next to others and protect ourselves together. How much warmth does a body lying next to you give instead of just being warmed by a blanket? How comforting is it to wake up from a dream and there is someone next to us who can give us direction?
As adults, we can answer all of these questions and explain that it feels nice and warm to be able to sleep next to our partner. It’s right, and it feels good. Of course, it is all of this for our children as well. If we want protection, closeness and security, how much more does that apply to them, who are so much smaller, less protected and much newer in this world? And that too at the age of six, seven, eight… years. Children are one thing above all: children. They are human beings, they need to be treated with the same respect as we adults do, they have the same rights and a few other needs as well. But the measure we apply to ourselves and our well-being is the minimum measure that we should apply to them.
If you ask yourself tonight: Why is my child coming back into the parents’ bed? Then think about what that gesture is actually saying. She says that your child needs closeness and is looking for it in you, because you are the safe haven. You give warmth, love, security, security. You drive away the bad dreams. You help through the night. You are the hero. Just because you are there. This night and all the others that you are needed.
Sleep comfortably in this knowledge.
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