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Fairly predictably in the fourth or fifth week of life, many parents notice a difference in their baby’s behavior. The baby is suddenly more restless and cries more. And maybe breastfeeding isn’t going as smoothly as it did in the first few days and weeks. After meals, he or she no longer simply falls asleep, but may continue to express displeasure. Is it hunger? Fatigue? A stomach ache? Nothing seems to work anymore.
During this time, parents often wonder if they are doing something wrong. And they ask friends or family what they are doing wrong. Usually they aren’t doing anything wrong.
Any question of whether the child might have health problems have been answered by the pediatrician. And the doctor also confirms that the baby is thriving. Nevertheless, the baby is dissatisfied at times, turns away from the breast or bottle and is difficult to calm down. While I’m good at keeping calm in other situations with children, I know all too well how challenging these moments come as a parent. These phases of restlessness usually coincide with your own level of tiredness in the early morning or late evening.
How good it would be if someone could say specifically what is going on? And above all, would tell you what you can do about it as a parent. Most of the time one can only confirm that the parents are doing the right thing: holding, feeding, carrying – and then doing it all over again.
Releasing tension by crying
No one knows that one baby better than their parents, who are spending their day and night with them right now and finding out a little more every day what is good for them and what they might not like.
Crying is an important signal from the child to draw attention to his needs. If these are seen and fulfilled, the baby calms down. But crying also has a storytelling function for a baby. Just as we adults sometimes cry about a hard day at work or about other current worries with someone close to us, the baby also wants to talk about homesickness from the womb and the many new challenges. Arriving in the world is not always easy. Everything that was so natural in the mother’s womb, the child now has to take care of itself: breathe, eat, and so much more…
Dealing with the many new stimuli is sometimes overwhelming: cold, warmth, clothes on the skin, the unusual freedom of movement, visual and audio impressions – everything is new. Some experiences are pleasant, some unpleasant, and others simply overwhelming. Crying is an outlet to release the tension associated with it. It is then not the task of the parents to “stop” the crying. You should hold the baby and endure with him that the world is difficult from baby’s point of view.
Who and what helps the parents
This holding, listening and simply being is a great challenge. It touches us on many levels when our own child cries so inconsolably. So the desire for a quick fix, a breastfeeding trick, or a few magic drops is all too understandable. The “phrase for the phase” is not very comforting at this point. But looking back, it’s exactly the same: It’s one of many challenging parenting phases in your life with children.
Instead of good tips for the baby itself, I often prefer to talk about what helps the parents to get through stressful times. And also who helps the parents. Holding and enduring can be well distributed over several shoulders. Most of the time, exactly those are missing in the everyday life of many young parents.
In concrete terms, we also discuss what can help as a mother or father to stay centered when the child is so upset. Whether breathing, the focus on a movement or headphones with music help is entirely individual. But the stress responses to crying — such as an increase in heart rate and shallower breathing — are the same for all parents. How well you can accompany your inconsolably crying baby certainly depends on how well you are doing that day. That’s why it’s so important to know who to ask for help in a non-life-threatening emergency (“I can’t take it anymore!”) and what support is available.
For many babies, this first phase of restlessness subsides around six weeks. But statistical information is of course only of limited help. It’s over when it’s over. And so it is right and important if parents keep asking what is going on with their baby? Just remember that it will pass and it is just a phase. Easier said than done in the moment…
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